Saturday, May 9, 2009

Two wondering souls



On a rainy day a man walked down the street with a solemn tone, walking with the rain as if they were one.

On his lonely journey he encountered a women standing under the rain looking up at the dark sky.

The man asked her as to why is she standing under the rain, looking at the sky in its darkest moments. The women smiled and said “the angles are crying” . The man smiled do to the fact that they shared the same point of view, as to why it rains. The man sat next to the standing women and gazed at the falling rain drops, not once looking at the women’s face, neither did she look at him.

Although they where complete strangers they somehow engaged in a conversation.

The women talked mostly, asking her questions. She asked why are you walking under the rain?
I walk under the rain so no one can tell whether am crying or not.

Why do you cry?
I normally don’t cry, guess I cry for no reason.

The man asked the question this time around, and asked. Why are you standing alone out here? She smiled and asked him, why where “you” walking alone in the rain? The man took a long pause and replied.
everyone walks alone, no matter how hard they try to deny it. None’s really with you no matter how close a friendship is, everyone is alone.

The women found the mans answer rather odd, and told him “ am not alone
then you’re a fool ma’am, you cant see further then your nose, your blinded by what society wants you to think. Tell me will a friend really understand you, or simply “ pretend to understand you” . will a friend replace you with some one else, just cause the next person can take up their time better then how you took up their time. Will a friend listen to you, then turn their back on you and talk shit about you when your not around? If you got an answer to these things I would like an answer.

Again their was another long pause, then she spoke. I never said a “friend” was with me, thus not making me feel alone, you jumped the gun and assumed, then again you seem to have a deep wound concerning a friend or an ex friend. Which ever I don’t really care. But you need to learn to let things go my friend, holding a grudge will not solve things. Fuck the world and don’t get too attached to such things as to “friendship” let it all go. In the end theirs a set few things that are really with you “family members, and the one and only, your wondering shadow that’s their with you every step of the way”.

The man smiled and said to her,
never took you for the person to have such a point of view of the world, you seem to have a grudge as well.

All the women had to say after the man was done speaking, was “ these days , and nights are cold, people acting like they lost their way, and everywhere I go, I see another person like me trying to make it feel like home".

We all got a place to make it feel like home, no matter what. Theirs always a place to return to, a place where a person thinks of you is a place to return to, but the thing is when and how will you know when someone is thinking of you. That answer you must find it your self. Its funny that this is coming out of me the person that said your alone in this world .

They both exchanged a rather odd smile.

Seems like the sky doesn’t hold nothing back, when it comes to crying, it truly shows its emotions, with no regard as to what people think, tiny drops elegant in its own unique way, dancing its way down to earth, for its one moment of beauty, dropping and showing its waterworks’ , yet no one seems to pay much attention and over look its beauty. Guess we do live in a world full of ignorance.

She replied, “ that is true we do live in a world of ignorance, maybe one day we will live in a world with out ignorance, where people understand one another, and in a world where you wont hold grudges against one another. But until then guess you and me will be 2 wondering souls”.

The man replied
“Guess so”

With no hello or good bye, these two wondering souls went on their way, making it through this world of ignorance.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

love





I'm sick of seeing this all the time, kids getting too attached to
friends, not that its a bad thing, but it gets bad when its time to let
go and they don't know how to.

I know they say never to go with the crowd but, will it hurt to try and
fit in somewhere, other then your family members. Sure we got friends,
but even still its as if we walk alone.

Kids now in days are all attached to their friends, doing everything
with them. I don't know whether I'm right or wrong but being too
attached to someone is a bad thing.


Girls these days stay in a heart breaking relationship cause "they
can't leave him" how pathetic. We all have a choice whether we want to
leave or not. Its sad hearing them talk and say "he's such a bad
boyfriend, yet I can't leave him cause he loves me and I love him". If
you love him and he loves you, then why's your relationship fucked up?
breakup on Thursday, get back together on
Friday, and brake up again on Sunday. A never ending circle. Yet you
call this love.

At this point I'm beginning to think that a lot of this young girls
don't know what love truly is, the hell I don't even know what it means.
Even still we throw that word around like its no big deal.

Girls falling for guys that aren't even worth there time, just cause the
look "hot". I'm sick of hearing this, at first it didn't bother me but
now I'm getting ticked of about it. Sick and tiered of guys tripping
over a girl who don't even recognize you for who your are. All to get
with the guy that's next to you.

So why do we cling on the people who hurt us? Why do the girls of now in
days like guys that are nothing but garbage? Why do we care so much?
Why?


why do I care so much?

In the long run they'll realize that the guy who they didn't know
anything about, who tried so hard to be their friend was truly the one,
instead they went with the wrong guy, that was standing next to him. The
girl who was "in love" was really "in hell" with the guy of her dreams,
all because he said "I love you"

We should all wake up and smell the roses, and not take life so
serious. Why rush it after all its only the start of a long journey, and
friends will come and go, remember most of your high school friends you
won't see them after graduation. Then again their are true friends who
stay in touch no matter what.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Cling to you





Have you ever had that one special someone..........................

Its as if time stands still as I write down these words............

I had it all, but as blind as a bat I lost it all, no not lost it, more
like let it go. Its like I can never get over you , but I'm sure your
over me, long over, so why do I still cling on to you?
.................................

Its not like your interested in me any more, I'm like yesterdays trash,
in the back of your mind, in a dark corner with little to no attention
what's so ever.

I got a chest full of pain, a head full of stress, and worst of all you
on my mind. I tell my self to let you go, but one way or another you
come back.

Why won't you just stay away, no you are staying away, I'm just
bringing you back into my mind. Its like I don't want anyone else but
you, why? I ask my self why!? Why I'm I so attached to you?

Ill find better but I doubt it will be any time soon, seems no one
wants me, seems I'm not good looking like the guy next to me, seems I'm
not that of an ass hole like every girl likes, seems like everything
goes away from me.

Girls hang around you, seem like their interested in you, then as time
goes by they tend to walk away, loose interest in you, like your
yesterdays toy. And that's true that's what you where to them,
yesterdays toy.

Look around you, theirs so much fake people you don't even know who's
real any more, and the person you knew is no longer the one you knew.

I'm tiered of missing you, and I'm not going to change for you, ill
always be here, but I'm tiered of chasing after you,

If you love something set it free, and if it doesn't come back to you,
it was never meant to be..............................

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Just A Outsider




How do you go along being an outsider? Knowing no matter what you do you’ll never actually be one of them, the many who are one alike, the ones who all agree on one thing, but you, your just there like a worthless rag.

All your thoughts always go against to group. Your skills are one to be admired but you don’t get shit of attention cause of your skill, no not attention, more like no admiration. no one gives a crap, as to what you can do. They all want to see one thing and one thing only , the only thing your not good enough.

But in the end it doesn’t even matter, if you decide to pull back and leave, I’m sure no one would recognize your even gone. So why stay in a place where even though your there its as if your not. Your nothing but a mere shadow.

Theirs this thing inside of you that starts to boil up, the more you stay, the more the tension starts to build up. Its like adding more fire to boiling water, and sooner or later you’ll end up with nothing.

Why do you try so hard? So that when your doing a good job, when you look around everyone is doing a better job then you, at that one point you feel like, leaving what your doing and just walk away, why do you try so hard?

You know I’ve learned a lot, and its true no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you try , they will never see you the way you want to be seen. Its pathetic how people trust one another, and just to have them shut you out of their little circle of friends. To replace you with someone who at the beginning no one liked.


I’ve had it with all this, I wonder if one day ill just end up not showing up, would people miss me? Or would they just forget me like yesterdays trash? Guess ill never find out till I stop showing up, and turn my back to those who turned their backs to me.

I will never get to hear those words I want to hear, but it doesn’t matter. Change is always good ………………………


I’m sorry………………………………

Friday, January 23, 2009

He once said




A wolf once said. “Why do we humans look up at the sky, when we are facing hard times, as if we can sprout wings and fly away into the sky, and forget our worries. But we wolves use what we have, and keep moving on, and face what ever comes our way.”

This fellow wolf was right , as it is a natural instinct for wolves to keep moving on about, we humans tend to look up to the sky when ever things don’t seem to go our way. I guess when ever things go wrong we only have hope for the better, as if a cosmic power will wipe away all the worries and problems. But of course this wont happen.

We cant just have things go our way when ever we want them to, that’s not how life works. Unlike us the wolves all ready know this. They see us as worthless beings who always want more, and more, and always search for an easy way out of things. that’s why I come to think that they leave us alone, and lose all hope in us. But we on the other hand we give them a bad name because, we don’t understand them and we fear what we don’t know.

The unknown is something rather odd, we always ponder over what will happen, and waste time doing this. Why not stop pondering and walk a fine line and let the unknown be known along the way. Just like the wolves do. Guess we have to do the same thing with life, life is the unknown, and let walk the fine line of life and let itself play out on its own.

I once told my self things happen for a reason, but I came to forget my own words in the haze that clouded my mind these past months. I was about to walk out on something that could eventually become my life. But now the cloud, like every storm is clearing up and I once again see the light.

So like a wolf ill use what I have and face life, with what ever she throws at me.

Monday, December 22, 2008

High school





High school, many look back and say they hated it, some say they loved it, some just didn’t care.

High school what can I say about it. Nothing much, since am in high school my self, maybe in two years ill look back and say whether or not I liked it or not. But his is not the reason why am writing this post.

Have you ever thought back to your friends in elementary school? From 6th grade to 8th ? Have you ever thought back and see how close you guys where back then? All those years having each others back and willing to back them up no matter what? Then 8th grade rolled around, graduation everyone was all hyped up about it and saying nonsense as to “ friends for ever” . some keep these promises, other simply talk a lot of bull shit.

High school the way I see it is the biggest back stabbing time period in a teens life. She said this, she did this, he said this, he did this. And what not. A time where your emotions run wild, a time period where you want to look good to impress your sweet heart, the fact is she don’t even notices you, while she runs with the future low life’s, who sooner or later will flipping burgers. High school now I see why many hate it.

A time period where your elementary school friend, turn your back on you. A time where once they said they would never replace you, comes to a reality. You walk in the halls seeing them acting as if you don’t even exist. As if they never talked to you, and the bond that you guys once had is all gone and shattered like a rusted chain. isn’t it funny how the strongest of bonds simply break away. Sure friends come and go but the fact is that they replaced you for someone else. So wake up and accept it.

High school , a time of self character building. Now your not a little kid no more, you see and understand with a greater knowledge of the world around you. You begin to be your own person, your own self. You begin to set goals, dreams. But along with all these good things bad things always happen. Not only is high school a great place to find your self but it’s a place to lose your self as well. Walking around high school I can say that there are some of the most pathetic girls out there. And its truly sad, how a great thing can go to such a waste. Sure you may talk all big and act all big but your just a pile of shit, sure u see guys as a toy and run around with 3 at a time, all it says is slut around your name.

High school, great learning experience, and the beginning of a life journey, but sometimes it seems as if it where worth less. The people you knew no longer are the people you knew. We all grow and change, and people come and go. So if you’ve been replaced your walk away cause some one more worthy will come along.

Broken hearts, are also part of high school life. You may say you love her/ him but do you really know the meaning of love? Do you truly know the feeling of losing a loved one. If you don’t, think twice before saying the words “ I love you” .

High school , some love it some don’t, it all depends on you, some keep there words of friend ship and some simply turn their back on you and walk away.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Music



Notes, rhyme, feelings , lessons, thought. Messages, history, sorrow, happiness, stories, beats, all these are one alike. And if you stop and listen once in a while you’ll be amazed as to what you get out of hearing.

Music. I’ve been pondering over this for quite some time, what makes music, music? And don’t get me wrong I mean music, not the shit of now in days, that’s all about who you sleep with, what you do to them, and how much money and cars you got. Not that. But in between these garbage songs we still get some that are good, but over all their still garbage.

I don’t know if am really old fashioned or what but, my interest in music, are the good old songs of back in the days, when we where just growing up, us meaning teens, back from 2000 to up to early 2007. that’s the time period of the good music, after that its all down hill. But enough on my opinion on what time period was the best in music.

My sister was going through my mp3 player the other day, and she made my mom come into the room and told her how all my songs seem sad and gloomy. Then my mom told her that everyone has their own taste in music and I have my own. But what I wish is that, my sister would listen to the words, the lyrics, of the songs, instead of classifying them as sad and what not. But then again she’s too young to understand them so I don’t blame her. Same goes for my mom but she doesn’t understand English all that well.

The songs that am really into are songs with meanings, life lessons, and of course great beat to them. Songs that make you think, as to the world you live in, your soundings, people, things like that. Then for a while I began thinking about something, does the music one listens to, determine the type of person that they are?

I was really pondering over this, day after day none stop. I asked my friends and they all have different opinions on this topic, and over all I got “no” it doesn’t. But you know I think it does. Not to be mean or anything my friends don’t really listen as to what the lyrics are saying. They just don’t.

But as I said I really do think the music you listen to does determine the type of person you are, like in general the type of songs am into makes you think and ponder, and am a kid who thinks and ponders a lot, and I mean a lot.

So how exactly does the music you listen to show who you are, the way I see it is this, everywhere you go people listen to music, and there’s people who listen to anything, I mean anything and other who listen to one genre, one artist and such, people who prefer rock over R and B, like that. Your background also plays a role in this, people come from broken homes, and seek comfort, and a place to escape in music. People who like to express them self’s , and they express them self’s through rock, stuff like this.

The music you listen to shows a lot about you, and mainly your feelings. If your listening to a song that’s sad and slow and calm, maybe you lost a loved one, like a girlfriend and such. Listen to a cheer full song then your cheer full, and so on. I don’t know if am making my point to the max so heres a few lines from some of my favorite songs.

Bow wow outta my system
“ Damn
I mean
I Just keep thinking about you
I mean I wanna move on but I can't move on
It's like you got some kind of hold on me and I don't Know
But Imma go ahead and talk about it
Listen

I'm sitting looking out the window like damn
Trying fix this situation that's at hand
You still running through my mind when I'm knowing that you shouldn't be,
Me all on your mind and I'm knowing that it couldn't be”

Wake me up inside by evanescence

“How can you see into my eyes
Like open doors?
Lading you down into my core,
Where I've become so numb.

Without a soul,
My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold,
Until you find it there and lead it back
Home. “


Happy birth day Flipsyde

“Happy Birthday...so make a wish Verse 1: Please accept my apologies, wonder what would have been Would you've been a little angel or an angel of sin? Tom-boy running around, hanging with all the guys. Or a little tough boy with beautiful brown eyes? I paid for the murder before they determined the sex Choosing our life over your life meant your death And you never got'a chance to even open your eyes Sometimes I wonder as a fetus if you fought for your life? Would you have been a little genius in love with math? Would you have played in your school clothes and made me mad? Would you have been a little rapper like your papa da Piper? Would you have made me quit smoking' by finding one of my lighters? I wonder about your skin tone and shape of your nose? And the way you would have laughed and talked fast or slow? Think about it every year, so I picked up a pen Happy birthday, love you whoever you would a been Happy birthday... Chorus: what I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed (happy birthday) What I thought was a dream (make a wish) Was as real as it seemed I made a mistake!”

Songs like this, songs that express the feeling, and situation, and emotions , and if I would take my songs and use it to reflect on me I would say that am a person who’s in touch with his feelings, and has a way to show them. But over all I don’t really know if I made my point across but I hope I did.

So what does the music you listen to say about you?

Monday, November 17, 2008

Innocent eyes



Not too long ago I was on a bus going home from school, and something
caught my eye. To be honest not a lot of things get my attention when am
on the bus but this time, what I saw did.

The bus was jammed packed. So I was standing on the ride home. As I was
listening to music, I wanted to check for the time. I glanced down and
checked the time on my cell phone. As I finished checking for the time I
raised my head. And that's when I saw them. A family.

A father, mother and a daughter. The mother and father sat next to each
other, and their daughter up in front of the father. And that's when I
saw them. The daughter’s eyes.

Such innocent eyes. Eyes that all they wanted was to be loved, and
adored. Eyes that looked around with curiosity as for the world around
her. The faces, the smiles. The laughter.

Then the little girl looked up and looked at me. My eyes widened a bit,
as to the gentle simile she gave me, all I could do was smile back and
return the simile. Then she went on to playing with her father. The way
she looked at him, with such care, and attention. For the whole ride
home they smiled at each other, and played. As I exited the bus, on my
bus stop. The father drew his wife close to him, and kissed her
forehead. As the daughter smiled in the background.

Eyes truly beautiful. They are the windows to the sole.
You can tell, and learn a lot form someone's eyes then rather
having them actually verbally tell you them self's. The connection I saw
with that family in the bus, is something I don't see often. That's one
of the reasons why it caught my attention in the first place. Not only
because that's the ideal family that I've envisioned for my self, but
the fact that the connection that the father had with his daughter is
that of the same that I want for my future daughter.

Don't get me wrong or anything, ill love what ever child god will give
me, but I so long for the father daughter relationship when am older. Something about that connection has always got my attention, and I would love to have that.

Eyes their all around us, each pair holding a story, waiting to be read by other eyes.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Am I really 16?



Am I really 16? I mean that is my age and all. But what am trying to say is do I think like a 16 year old?

Recently a friend of mine, that I haven’t seen in a while came up to me and told me. “Eldrix you look more mature”. I replied really and she said yes. Another friend of mine also told me that I talk different, and I asked him how so and he replied, I don’t know you sound more mature. At first I didn’t really pay attention to these comments. But then I also remembered how another friend of mine also brought up the same subject a while back. This time he said “why don’t you talk like a teenager?”

So now am pondering over something, am I really 16? Not age wise, I mean mentally. Am the type of person who spends a lot of time thinking and pondering over things. So one morning I was laying in bed and I was thinking back to what my friends told me.

People have always said that I have mature way of thinking, and I think its true. I see things differently, and I have an opinion that not all my friends understand, and just look at me as if am crazy or something. They always come to me and talk to me about stuff that’s going on with them and I give them my honest opinion. They ask me what should they do and I give them my opinion once again, but that’s where things get a bit hostel. They never listen.

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

I Will



Have you ever thought about just stopping what you’re doing, turn around and walk away?

To walk away from daily life, from all the talking, all the laughing, just walk away, and leave everything the way it is…………………

As a kid, we all have said “I want to grow up, and be a grown up.” At this point we have no clue as to what we are saying, and all you get from people is simply, “stay young.”

Life as we grow normally gets harder, we start to see the world in a different way, and we begin to think, and wonder, ask questions and so on.

To me I see life as a very short time line. We are born, we live, grow, get married, bring a new life into this world, and die. It’s like as you grow you’re expected to do good in that short time period. It’s as if you don’t take that one slight chance of opportunity, your life just goes down the drain.

I’ve always wondered, if the moment in which we are born, is our future decided at that one moment? Or do “we” really choose our futures, and what we will become? Like I don’t really know if this question has an answer but like, when you see someone you can tell that they have potential in them to become big, but is this potential, been already decided for this person or is it simply their hard work, and efforts?

I’ve always asked my self will I ever be someone when I grow up. Like what is my future going to be? Am I doing the right things? Also I’ve thought about walking away from everything and just give up. Like throw everything away.

I don’t know if am the only one whit this inside but like I feel worthless, as if am just like every other kid who comes my way. Like am heading to a dead end. I know I shouldn’t be thinking this way, but I just sit and wonder sometimes. Thoughts come in my mind, words, voices, and I just get locked up inside my head thinking. I’ve thought about many things and the one big thing I really want to know is, what am I really good at? For instance I picked dup a pencil 3 years back and I drew a picture. I liked the way it came out and I started to get interested in drawing , I signed up for art classes and the accepted me, then I noticed something else, my natural talent for perspective and drawing “boxes” as many refer to it. Yet that’s all I can do, draw boxes. Its gotten to a point that am frustrated with my self because I have no other talent that I am really good at, all my friends canal draw better then me, and its as if I don’t belong with them.

This has also lead me to think that my so called talents are nothing but a mere child trying out a new toy. So is it really called talent? Then came the time I began writing my thoughts down and eventually became a blog, then my friends all got a chance to read what I’ve written down and they all replayed, “you can write”. So is this another so called talent that I have? So this can go both ways either am talented, or am just a little kid with a huge head.

You don’t know how many times I’ve wanted to walk away and leave everything I know behind. But I don’t, I ask my self why I don’t just simply stop. But you know I don’t think I can stop.

You know when your determined to do something, you wont stop till you get what you where determined to do. Well am determined to become twice the person he is.

At one point I wanted to become an adult as I was a little kid, I looked up to, him. Wanted to be just like him, but reality opened my eyes. I don’t want to become nothing like him.

So has my future been decided? Or do I hold the leash to tame this wild beast of my future?

Like I once said “forget the past, live the present, and let the future come.” So am going to forget about you, live my present, and let the future I’ve envisioned come to a reality.

The way I see it, walking away isn’t an option, if I do walk away ill be heading the same pathetic road your walking, and am shore you don’t want me in the same road. Honestly I see my future looking pretty good.

I will make something out of myself, you wait and see…………………

Thursday, October 9, 2008

The words That were never said



You had all the time in the world to say it, but you didn’t ………

This person meant everything to you, and you had something very important to tell him. He was always smiling at you, always there when you needed someone to talk to, when you talked to this person, the words wanted to come out of you and let him know, but the words wouldn’t come out. This person always notices you had something to tell them, and he asks” what is it?”, and you simply replay nothing. Then he walks away smiling saying “ok” .

This person was like a shadow always there, always talking to you, always giving you a helping hand, listening to you when ever you needed a someone to hear you out. I mean he was always around, you couldn’t get enough of seeing him. This became a habbit. Day in and out he was there, always there. Passing by you, smiling and saying hi…

When you where around this person, it seemed as if you where the only one that noticed he was there. But still you never dared tell him what you had to tell him…

The day finally came when you where brave enough to tell him and you where going to tell him, your long awaited words. But you noticed he wasn’t there, he didn’t pass by your way, this seemed odd to you, because he was always there. But that day he wasn’t……………

You ask the people around you if they have seen him, and all you get is no “I haven’t”. At first you didn’t take it that seriously. But the days piled up and still no sign of him. You begin to worry, and feel uneasy. You begin to look for him you ask people if they have seen him, you give his name and all you get is “ who is that?”. you get ticked off because this person was always there, yet no one knew him? The minutes you spent looking for him, begin to weigh on you, now you begin to wish you would have told him what you wanted to tell him, before when you had so many other chances of letting him know.

Days later, you get your answer as to his wear about, as the location enters your ears, tears run down your face. You cant believe what you are hearing………. He is gone…………

The kid that was always there is no longer there, that warm smile he gave you will no longer be seen, by your eyes, or anyone else. You ask your self, why? Why did you have to……………….. Why couldn’t I have?…………………… But its all too late.

As you walk to him, the tears multiply with every step you take towards him, now you stand, next to him, as he lies 6 feet below you, and you begin to tell him, what you had wanted to tell him all along………………………………